Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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