I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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