Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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