im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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