Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
