I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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