i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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