I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize