Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
