Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
