I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize