Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We left the knife in your bed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
