i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
