i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
