Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
