Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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