That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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