you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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