I just saw a hot homeless man
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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