I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
