How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize