So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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