if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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