I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.