Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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