Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
