Umm I'm too high to move.
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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