Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
