I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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