Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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