a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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