ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
