I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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