Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
