just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize