Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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