Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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