So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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