K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
