she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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