Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
