Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
