I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.