he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.