walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?