Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize