What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just gargled with NyQuil
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
