She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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