We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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