is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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