You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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