The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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