I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
